


Walking Disaster

by Fiqraana



Category: This Is Us (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt, Sad, Sadism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26121586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiqraana/pseuds/Fiqraana
Summary: This deals with Kevin from the time when he was struggling in Season 02. This also has a bit of Sophie.I loved them and really wanted them to end up together :(
Relationships: Jack Pearson & Kevin Pearson, Kevin Pearson/Sophie
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Walking Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something else. This became something else. In case, you feel confused, you now know the reason :P
> 
> Anyhoo, this has been far too long in my drafts for my liking so I just decided to post it. 
> 
> I may or may not write another part of this one.

  
Kevin desperately wanted this second shot to work. Twelve years after their divorce he had suddenly pursued her, reminded her of how good it was between them and how much he loved her and asked her to get back with him, Sophie wasn't sure but Sophie had also never been good at not falling for him and so she had agreed. 

  
“Which one?” Sophie asked holding the two dresses she had shortlisted after rummaging through her cupboard. It was a big day for her and it had to be perfect. She not only wanted to look good for the event but also for the beautiful man who was sitting in front of her. 

  
“The classic sexy black!” Kevin replied as smoothly as he could ask himself to be.

He could not afford to lose it but somewhere deep down he knew where he was driving this relationship. He wanted to push brakes but they had long gone out of his control and now he was just delaying the crash. He knew that. 

  
Sophie smiled at him.

  
It broke his heart while suffocating his insides to the point where he felt like he could not breathe anymore. He rushed outside and gulped a vicodin again.

  
He hadn't loathed anyone in his life more than himself. While the girls ran crazy and crowd cheered seeing his face, he used to wonder what if they knew? How horrible he has been? To Sophie? To Randall? To his mom and most of all his dad?

  
Sometimes, he could swear he has seen the accusations lingering behind Randall's eyes. 

  
He closed his eyes as vicodin started to do its work and his pain started subsiding slowly.

  
“Kevin?” Sophie's voice reached him like a dream and he turned around.

  
She did look like a dream. 

  
A dream he had dreamt since childhood, a dream he had turned into his reality and a dream that was lost.

  
Right now, she looked like the dream that was too far-fetched, too out of his reach. 

  
“Kevin?” Sophie's voice hit him and he realized he has zoned out. Again.

  
“Kevin? What’s the matter with you? Is everything fine?” She asked brushing his cheek softly.

  
It felt so good. Having her in his arms felt so good. Only if he could tell her how his legs were shivering, how he was sweating behind his ears because of the pain. How the world has not been making sense? How his demons are weighing him under their weight. How everything around him seems like a spiral and he can’t seem to find his way out. He knew Sophie would understand. Sophie understood him even when nobody else could. Only if he could tell, instead he said-

  
“What? Oh yeah! Yes! Yes! Absolutely. Everything is fine.”

  
“So I can expect you at tonight's charity event at 7 o' clock sharp, right?” 

  
“Charity event?”

  
The question threw him off completely. But the look on Sophie's face told him it would go down south again if he couldn’t reacall what this new bullshit was.

  
Then he remembered it was a charity event organised by the hospital Sophie worked in and he promised her to attend the event. Sophie’s idea was having a celebrity like him onboard would cause a lot more eyeballs to dig in the event which would be beneficiary to the cause.

  
With Vicodin in his system, Kevin had agreed jovially to the idea and had also joked about getting shirtless if it helped.

  
But now it has been two days since he is down to his last of instant pain killers and the unavailablity of his doctor handing him a prescription is driving him insane. If Sophie hadn't reminded him of the event, he remembered nothing of it.

  
It filled him with a sense of shame he hadn't felt in a long time. 

  
“I remember it ofcourse. My love's gonna auction me off!” Kevin responded dramatically making Sophie smile.

  
This is what he had always wanted. He wanted to be the reason of her smile. Always.

But world wasn’t a wish-granting factory apparently and Kevin’s life was nothing if not drama and so it happened. 

He turned her into an embarrassment in front of everyone as he imagined the second-hand humiliation she must have felt each time she announced his name on the podium and he stayed in his broken empty world of pain and pills and drinking totally unaware and unbothered - its a world where nothing ever is right. He could see it on her face. The hurt, the mortification and the one he hated the most- the disappointment. The look of I-expected-better-from-you- the look his father gave him so many times in his last days. The look he keeps on giving to himself while watching his face in the mirror. It sucked and he wished he could make it right. 

  
But remember what John Green said about wishes?   
He couldn’t even bring himself to say sorry to her. It felt such a stupid word in front of the hurt he keeps on adding her life every time he enters it. 

  
“Why?” Sophie simply asked him looking dejected and drained. Tired of Kevin's absent mindedness and him not making their relationship a priority in his life.

No one could say it was Kevin who wanted to give them a second chance in the first place.  
Probably not even Kevin at this point.

Kevin wished he could explain but walking away felt easier than that. 

He can't remember the last time he had stayed. The boundaries he had drawn for himself were now fencing him in. But Kevin Pearson doesn’t think stupid soppy stuff- he drinks it. He has been drinking it down since fifteen years now.  
There could be no other Kevin Pearson. He was the epitome of screw up. He had managed to destroy the only good thing he had in his life since his dad,not once but twice.

  
He laughed and laughed in the empty space of his hotel room alone till the walls started closing up inside his chest , till it started feeling more and more claustrophobic, till the pain in his knee shot up, till the sweat bethed his body with the pain, till the empty bottle of vicodin started mocking him, till all he could think about was how his Dad had said, he would find his purpose one day and till he saw himself in the mirror- disheveled and ugly and even in that state Kevin Pearson did not shed a try- he drank it, with a bottle of whiskey and chips on the side.


End file.
